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Thursday 21 November 2013

A Little Discovery...

Last weekend I went to Discovery Day at Foyles Bookshop in London Town :)



 


This free event, brainchild of Curtis Brown Literary agents (and in association, this year, with sister act Conville & Walsh) was to enable writers from anywhere on Earth to go and pitch their novels-in-progress to living and breathing literary agents.



 
 
 
In preparation for this significant event, I gave myself two weeks to compile and practice the requisite 30 second pitch, trying to devise some intelligent questions to boot. And, for the remainder of my prep time, I usefully bricked myself. I've never done anything like this before, and I've been writing forever.
 
 
 
 
 
 
When it came to crunch-day, my boyfriend and I travelled down from Nottingham on the train. That morning, my nerves somehow transformed into a twisted sense of excitement, despite this being ABNORMAL for me. Normally, facing interviews and similarly terrifying situations, I'm sick with panic. I've clammed up before panels when job-hunting, I've cancelled interviews through fear. 
 
But I practised my pitch over lunch in London, asking my boyfriend to scarily act as agent. Then we headed off to Foyles too early, masterfully avoiding the pub. 

There are many other write-ups which detail the day's events, so I'm giving a stunted but flavoursome taster of my own experience here. My heart began its obligtory pounding as I was directed to my allotted agent. Which was Clare Conville.  



 


I've had feedback from both Curtis Brown and Conville and Walsh before - on previously submitted novels, so I felt, at least, some (imagined) familiarity on seeing Clare. But, as others have said about #discoveryday, everyone was so welcoming, reassuring, friendly and interested in what we had to say, they made things much easier anyway. I didn't see or hear any ogre-like roaring. 
 
My pitch seemed to go quite well, although - can you really tell for sure? Clare was lovely and enthusiastic and gave me useful pointers. I'm writing my novel-in-progress online (on this very blog, in fact), so I was keen to know if pre-exposing one's work (to try and gain readers) scuppers writers' chances of traditional publication. And the repeated and positive message I took away from the day was:
 'If the book is strong enough it will not matter'. 
 
My one regret is that I didn't take notes whilst there, only photos. (I looked round at people scribbling during the panel event and silently mocked them for not just: 'Subliminally absorbing it'.) However, I've forgotten loads already. As well as being a sieve-head I think it was generally overwhelming. I wish I'd recorded my session on my phone (as I heard one writer did.)  
 
So. My little discovery on #discoveryday was that I'm not quite as timid and jelly-fied as I'd supposed. Perhaps, when it really matters, when it's something you've yearned for, slogged over, been 100% serious about, all of your life, then it's far too important to let fear destroy your chances.
 
 



 
 
 
And this last picture shows the back of me, far left! :) And a lovely writer I met on the day in the foreground with agent Gordon Wise.
 

Keeeeeeeep writing.
 
 
 
Sjs :) 



 
 
 

Thursday 14 November 2013

Cats with freaky eyes....




This is Mogli, my four-month old kitten.

You may have seen her here before! You may also notice something interesting about her? Well, I've been looking into this and it's called COMPLETE HETEROCHROMIA IRIDUM.

AKA Different coloured eyes; bit easier to say.

It's apparently more common in animals than humans whereby it almost always involves one blue eye.
Gripping, hey?

 Wiki can tell you more about that!

But I was interested to learn that a number of people I've obviously heard of and SEEN on TV have forms of this intriguing trait....

I wonder if you'd noticed? Because I hadn't. They are:

David Bowie (the only one I knew about)

Dan Ackroyd

Kate Bosworth

Robert Downey Junior

Simon Pegg ?!

Jane Seymour

Kiefer Sutherland ?!

And Christopher Walken.

Amazing ey? They must have been hiding their eyes under their hats.

I've always been fascinated by this genetic phenomena because - as a child - I always wanted different coloured eyes.













Thursday 10 October 2013

Hypnotising Your Kitten...

Hypnotising Mogli...

For the same reason someone might seek hypnosis to remove bad habits, I decided to give removing Mogli's naughtiness a bash this week...






Steps to take:

  • As she starts to fall sleepy on your knee, whisper calmly whilst stroking her nose
  • Tell her she's feeling sleepy, that she must surrender all control
  • Remind her she is so cute and beautiful when she's GOOD
  • Remind her she's living in a lovely home, with delicious food at the end of one meow
  • Remind her she ought to be grateful
  • Tell her she looks unpleasant with her ears back, her pupils dilated and her claws out
  • Tell her that, contrary to her belief, she's not big and scary when she does that sideways, bushy-tailed maneouvre at you
  • Chewing feet is BAD 
  • Tell her her toys can be confiscated
  • Say that she should never be biting the hand that feeds her
  • Tell her the sofa is not a scratching post, that people are not ladders
  • Tell her it's no more interesting on the worktop than on the floor
  • Explain that she should be over playing with her shit in the litter tray by now
  • Bring her gently back out of the trance by stroking her tiny soft paws

If she wakes up scratching you, give her to Oxfam.









Friday 20 September 2013

Kittens & Writing don't mix...






10 Reasons why kittens and writing don't mix....

1. They meow for dinner every other hour (kittens, not writing)
2. They trample your keyboard or jump on it when you're not expecting itttttttxxxxxxxxxxxx ________________ ffffffffffdkxkvoapvvvvvvv
3. They draw you, by some kind of osmosis, into playing with them instead of working
4. They lie on your arms (and look so comfy) that you don't want to move them to write 
5. You're too busy taking cute pictures to write
6. They climb the Yukka so that you have to get up & pull them down again and say NO for the umpteenth time before cuddling them and playing some more
7. They think fingers moving up and down a keyboard is an interesting game
8. They scrabble up your legs, leaving tiny pinholes, at those vital creative moments...
9. They sleep on your warm laptop when you leave the room
10. They make you too aware that life really ought just involve: eating, shitting, playing, sleeping. On repeat




Tuesday 17 September 2013

Thursday 1 August 2013

How to stay positive when trying to succeed in Creative Ventures....



  • Pretend to be someone more successful, like the fake spy in True Lies, and the falsehood may just rub off on you 
  • Create an ‘accolade file’ for all your examples of positive feedback or successes. Take pride in it. (And if you never make it BIG, you have proof of how agonizingly close you got)
  • Create little newspaper effigies of all the professionals/clients who have turned/let you down (Literary agents, for example.) & stick them in the vermicomposting bin with extra worms 
  • Do naked yoga 
  • Remember that if you give up trying you will never succeed, so you mustn’t ever give up
  • Hang around with losers, it’ll do your ego good
  • Seriously though, remind yourself that there are people out there who sit around and do fuck all every day; so pat yourself on the back. YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THEM
  • Drink alcohol or smoke dope to numb the pain
  • At low points, play the Muppet Song at full volume & shout along
  • Go and do some gardening, can’t you see it's getting desperate out there?







  






Have a sizzing week!

SJS :)















Tuesday 16 July 2013

TEN ways to kid yourself (or others) that you're writing



         10 ways to kid yourself (or others) that you're writing



1.     Switch on the computer and open Word. Type some random letters / characters to fill up half a page and then disable your screen-saver. Leave page on display then go and make a cup of tea

2.     Print off aforementioned page of gobbledegook and scratch some  corrections on it. Leave prominently on your desk. Go and make a nice coffee

3.     Spread a number of notebooks, text-books, novels, paper cuttings and loose A4 notes all over your desk; sprinkle on some pens and highlighters, a pack of post-it notes, perhaps.  Well done. Go and have a biscuit

4.     Stick your feet up on the desk and lean back in your office chair. You are thinking about your novel; fleshing out the characters. This gestation period is essential for writers. But while you’re waiting for the Muse to strike, get some brain food for company

5.     If it’s sunny, do this step outside on a blanket

6.     If it’s evening, why not try it in the bath?

7.     If it’s early morning, sleep in! You can tap your dreams for inspiration (especially if they’re freaky.) Remember to memorise these fragments to write down once you’re up

8.     Eat dinner with a notebook propped on the wine-bottle in front of you. Stick a pen behind your ear, a busy laptop by your side, (minimise facebook and Twitter)

9.     Run ideas past your partner, even if there’s no response. A grunt is good. He/she will have heard and registered that you are mentally writing as you speak    

10.   Do your banking, diary updates, letters to a friend, to-do list, filing and social media at your writing desk. If it’s done here it constitutes writing. 


                            P.s. I don’t do ANY of these things. I’m 100% busy all the time.






https://www.facebook.com/AbnormalANovel?ref=hl





SJS :)




Friday 28 June 2013

Ten great reasons NOT to become a writer...



One -   You might start scrabbling up a career ladder and make loads of money instead


Two -   You won't have to write every day


Three - You might not become a lunatic (no guarantees)


Four -   You might become less intense a person, less anal, less OCD (again, no guarantees)


Five -   You won't approach every personal trauma with: "this'll make a cracking plot"


Six -     You might not stow away conversations in a notebook or get kicked under the table by your partner for staring at people in pubs


Seven - You could have a great looking garden, and hobbies, even


EightYou'll save loads of money on ink and paper, notebooks and pens. (Unless you become a journalist or a parish councillor instead)


Nine -   You might maintain a healthy distance from yourself, avoid self-analysis, self-absorption. (You might even get out more)


Ten -    You might end up a nice sun-kissed colour without a chair-shaped arse and RSI (unless your day job is in IT)





https://www.facebook.com/AbnormalANovel?ref=hl



SJS :)



Tuesday 11 June 2013

10 differences between UK frogs & toads... (that I know from being an amphibian nerd)

And everyone needs to know this:



1 - Toads walk whilst frogs jump

2 - Frogs lay spawn clumps in the shallows; toads lay strings in the deep water around weed

3 - Toad tadpoles are black with shorter tails, frogpoles are lighter, bigger, speckly, shy

4 - Frogs have a black 'eye patch' and have spots or stripes (like pool balls)

5 - Toads are nobbly, lumpy-looking things and are dull brown in colour

6 - Frogs have more pointy faces whilst toads have a more rounded smile :)

7 - Frogs usually live in or near the pond whilst toads wander off, living up to maybe a mile away

8 - Frogs & toads return to their birth pond to breed but the toads are covering great distances!

9 - Male toads squeak when other males mount them, meaning "get the fuck off me, I'm straight"

10 - Sometimes fish get caught in the fray as this video shows. Fish don't squeak and this is their downfall...







https://www.facebook.com/AbnormalANovel?ref=hl



SJS :)





Friday 24 May 2013

Ten Guilt-free Ways to avoid writing...



1 - From work, send yourself an urgent memo that requires immediate attention


2 - Ask someone reliable round for dinner so that you have to promptly clean the house


3 - When drunk, remove the fuse from your P.C so you'll think it's broken when you're sober


4 - Ask a neighbour - no questions asked - to lock you in their shed for a few days


5 - Accidentally slam your hand on the desk, breaking the wrist of your dominant arm


6 - Accidentally delete your book so that you have to return to the drawing board, (feet-up procrastination part)


7 - Ring your doctor and describe the symptoms of Severe Cognitive Dysfunction. Accept a trial of rehabilitation in a dementia-registered home for a week. Or two.


8 - Ask a friend to run you over, gently. Pretend it's for charity


9 - Lather your laptop in marmite & leave it in a small room with your teething puppy


10 - Decide to become a landscape gardener instead.





https://www.facebook.com/AbnormalANovel?ref=hl



SJS :)

Tuesday 7 May 2013

How to be cheery when the chips are down



1 - Eat the bloody chips

2 - Go for a brisk walk in the biting spring wind

3 - Open that bottle and don't share it

4 - Seek out comedy and laugh till your bladder splodes

5 - Gurn for the video camera

6 - Share above on facebook

7 - Be nice to people. Give and get back

8 - Eat curry or fill your face with chocolate

9 - Stroke the cat / dog to relieve stress

10 - Stroke your boyfriend / girlfriend / someone's husband..



(Disclaimer: any repercussions are not my fault. You're an adult. You make your own decisions. And if you get beaten up it's nothing to do with me, sorry)



https://www.facebook.com/AbnormalANovel?ref=hl



SJS :)




Friday 19 April 2013

How to meet a stringent deadline?



1 - Don't become a writer in the first place

2 - Don't sit around eating meals, wasting time. Get back to tippy-tapping!

3 - Use wetwipes and dry shampoo instead of bothering to shower

4 - Don't selfishly enjoy your weekend! Cuff yourself to your desk

5 - Ask you boyfriend/girlfriend to box your ears if you try to leave the house

6 - Manage time more effectively - Learn to weave your dreams into prose as you sleep

7 - If you have a day job, poo at work

8 - Stop cooking! Eat microwaveable shit and ignore the spots

9 - If you run out of dry shampoo, shave your head and spray with perfume

10 - I've told you before to become a gardener






https://www.facebook.com/AbnormalANovel?ref=hl


SJS :)